you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize