I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
