He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You made out with two different species that night
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
