some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
