Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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