are you still at the devil's house?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
3pm strippers are depressing
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
