oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
