He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
