; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize