i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
