So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
