I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
