Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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