So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
