Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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