god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
