My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
