we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize