He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
