My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
