and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
