Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize