mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
