I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she smelled like a LAN party
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
