My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
please come you make the beer taste better
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
