first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
