she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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