Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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