He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
