remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Sext me about skeletons
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
