If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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