Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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