i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize