can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize