hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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