everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize