So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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