In the future we'll all be gay
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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