That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
