just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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