I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
