I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
