there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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