apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
