goodnight i made you a song goodbye
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
