Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
