my mouth tastes like poor choices
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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