Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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