Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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