ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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