Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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