there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
