his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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