I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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