It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I am mentally ready for anal.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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