last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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