i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
