Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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