Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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