i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
