one might say we're banned from that church
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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