Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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