i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
