Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
