i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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