she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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