didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
