Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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